Are you going to date her?

I’ve spent hours with my ex this past week. Every second is more confusing than the last, and incredibly messy. She kissed me, hugged me, and told me all the ways she loved me. Today was our last day together. I cried last night and barely slept, trying to prolong her departure. She going back…

Who is my God?

Lately I’ve craved a relationship with God. Something I lost a long time ago. Being raised in a catholic school, I was taught about a “loving God” who punished sinners. One day I went home begging my mother to get baptized because that day we learned you’d go to hell if you weren’t. This was…

A letter to the man I try to hate

If I look back through my journals I can find several entries that are clearly full of fury. My writing becomes messier and bigger than normal. All writing in moments of rage about how angry you make me. I hate the way you make me anxious. Most days I know I will be stuck in…

Cell Vibrating Gratitude

Today I went to Al-Anon, it was an open gratitude meeting. Round and round people bravely spoke up to share gratitude. At first I actively searched my mind – what am I grateful for??? Sure, I’m grateful for life. I have a pretty good apartment, an amazing child, a job I love. I’m surrounded by…

Year of More, The Beginning

After deciding to participate in a year of less, (less spending, less collecting junk, less materials) I also decided to add something into my year. Each month I’ll have a focus that I believe might improve my life in some way. Maybe it’s for my physical health, or my mental health, maybe it’s a means…

Who Am I Without Depression?

A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever.  Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…

How to get back to sleep when anxiety is keeping you up at night.

Have you laid awake in bed for hours wishing you could fall asleep? Your mind just races from one thought to the next taking no breaks in between, often repeating repeating repeating things you’ve already gone over in that brain of yours. Do you ever hear the voice in your head say, “Stop thinking. You can…

Coming out of depression

Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…

Don’t Listen To Yourself

Yup. The title says it all. Stop listening to yourself! I took a cycling class at PowerCycle today. The woman leading us said “Don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself. Tell yourself you can do this. You deserve this!” In that moment I had been thinking “I can’t I can’t do this.” If you hear…