Coming out of depression

Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…

Do I need AA?

This is a question that has been swirling through my head for about a year now? Am I an alcoholic? I’m not extreme, like my father who has had a standing battle with addiction for decades. I don’t even drink as often as my mother, who often coins herself as a “functioning alcoholic” usually accompanied…

Calendar

Yesterday I felt ready to move on from the month of May. There are still 5 days left, but at the time I’m up and moving around in the kitchen, I have to keep the momentum going. I clean, sweep, cook, now it’s time to change the calendar. I take it off the wall and…

Disclosing my bipolar disorder at work

I keep going back and forth, I have for weeks now. Do I tell my boss I have bipolar 2 disorder or do I not? Is it important to let her know up until mid school year I was sure that I would not renew my contract at the end of the year? When I’m…

Trust Me

“Trust Me” She says. The words sound so sincere. Her brown eyes look at me, full of something. Love? Hope? Pain? Exhaustion? They all are starting to look the same again. My breath deepens as I let out a sigh, “Okay”  quietly escapes my lips. My eyes close as I burn this memory into my…

A Reminder Why I Chose to be Sober Curious

Beginning January 1st, 2019 I made the decision to be Sober Curious (a term coined by Ruby Warrington in her book Sober Curious). Essentially I wanted to be 100% sober for the year of 2019. Would it help my anxiety or depression? Would I sleep better? How much money could I save? Would I miss…

The constant realization – I am a parent

Are you ever reminded that you’re a parent Some moments I find my myself thinking “You’re a mom, like a real mom.”  Today my daughter made jokes and played pranks. My daughter got undressed and put on red nightgown Disney princess on the front. Tag in the back. I stop, shocked. When did I stop…

4AM

It’s almost 4 AM and I cannot sleep. I feel like I’ve been up the whole night, but I’m really not sure. That has to be impossible right? But I feel like I’ve just been laying here from 10-3. My brain just won’t seem to shut down tonight. However I feel calm – and that’s…

My need for speed, racing from depression

*Moved from my old blog* Three days ago I decided it was time to stop yet another prescription drug. A painful rash on my stomach brought me to this decision. My heart shattered, because everything I’ve tried thus far has led to harmful and potentially dangerous side effects. Of course my first thought was “I’m…

Bipolar 2

*Moved from my original blog* It was the summer of 2016 when I finally decided to take charge of my physical and mental health. I began seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with bipolar II disorder. Quite frankly this didn’t come as a shock to me, as I already knew a bit about…