Manifest Love

I listened to a three part podcast about manifesting love not too long ago. Speak, believe, recieve. That was the main takeaway. Speak what you want into the universe. I want you. I know I shouldn’t because it could ruin everything. But, I think this is what I want. This type of love. Believe you…

Loving life

“I don’t deserve you. I’ll never hurt you. If I ever lost you, I’d die.” Lyrics to a song that made me think of my best friend back in January 2020. My best friend, who I’ve felt so strongly for the last few months. But I buried it so deep that even at times I…

I Don’t Want To Be THAT Guy

My dad called me tonight. And for the first time in a long time, I answered. He was drunk, which is to be expected. But still…it stung. We talked about mundane things. How are you? How’s work? Etc. Then he said, “I’m sorry about your grandpa, grandpa John.” My moms dad, grandpa John, passed away…

Stream of Consciousness – Decisions

It is so hard for me to make decisions, why is that? I’m terrified of fucking up, or making the “wrong choice” but truth be told I’ll never know the difference between a right and a wrong choice, because it’s impossible to know the other outcome. Right now I get to decide whether or not…

Non-negotiable

My best friend and I came up with an activity. Well, she came up with it, because that’s what she does. Come up with non-negotiables for future relationships. You see, we’re both single right now after the end of our short lived relationships. And we’re both thinking, what do we deserve. We deserve to see red…

Are you going to date her?

I’ve spent hours with my ex this past week. Every second is more confusing than the last, and incredibly messy. She kissed me, hugged me, and told me all the ways she loved me. Today was our last day together. I cried last night and barely slept, trying to prolong her departure. She going back…

Don’t Listen To Yourself

Yup. The title says it all. Stop listening to yourself! I took a cycling class at PowerCycle today. The woman leading us said “Don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself. Tell yourself you can do this. You deserve this!” In that moment I had been thinking “I can’t I can’t do this.” If you hear…

Trust Me

“Trust Me” She says. The words sound so sincere. Her brown eyes look at me, full of something. Love? Hope? Pain? Exhaustion? They all are starting to look the same again. My breath deepens as I let out a sigh, “Okay”  quietly escapes my lips. My eyes close as I burn this memory into my…