Phone

I was at my girlfriends house while she was out of town and I saw her old phone on the counter. Immediately my conditioned up brain says: omg I could look through her old phone. Which was quickly interrupted by this thought: wow, that was a really bad habit. I would NEVER go through my…

I don’t want to die

It’s funny how when I feel sad the words trail across my mind. “I want to die.” Even though I don’t. But the words pop up again and again. I want to die. No, I want to walk. I want to die. No, I want to clean. I want to die. No, I want to…

Loving life

“I don’t deserve you. I’ll never hurt you. If I ever lost you, I’d die.” Lyrics to a song that made me think of my best friend back in January 2020. My best friend, who I’ve felt so strongly for the last few months. But I buried it so deep that even at times I…

Cell Vibrating Gratitude

Today I went to Al-Anon, it was an open gratitude meeting. Round and round people bravely spoke up to share gratitude. At first I actively searched my mind – what am I grateful for??? Sure, I’m grateful for life. I have a pretty good apartment, an amazing child, a job I love. I’m surrounded by…

Year of More, The Beginning

After deciding to participate in a year of less, (less spending, less collecting junk, less materials) I also decided to add something into my year. Each month I’ll have a focus that I believe might improve my life in some way. Maybe it’s for my physical health, or my mental health, maybe it’s a means…

Who Am I Without Depression?

A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever.  Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…

How to get back to sleep when anxiety is keeping you up at night.

Have you laid awake in bed for hours wishing you could fall asleep? Your mind just races from one thought to the next taking no breaks in between, often repeating repeating repeating things you’ve already gone over in that brain of yours. Do you ever hear the voice in your head say, “Stop thinking. You can…

Coming out of depression

Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…

Don’t Listen To Yourself

Yup. The title says it all. Stop listening to yourself! I took a cycling class at PowerCycle today. The woman leading us said “Don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself. Tell yourself you can do this. You deserve this!” In that moment I had been thinking “I can’t I can’t do this.” If you hear…