It’s funny how when I feel sad the words trail across my mind. “I want to die.” Even though I don’t. But the words pop up again and again. I want to die. No, I want to walk. I want to die. No, I want to clean. I want to die. No, I want to…
Tag: depression
I Think I’m OKAY
I’m sad tonight. I think it’s a combination of things. The fact that I’m in the middle of drama with my co-parent (which deeply affects me), the feeling of summer being cancelled, or forgetting my meds today (probably the biggest cause). I just want to sleep, as much as I can possibly sleep. But at…
What must it be like
3/31/20 Anyone else checking the time and feeling bummed out when there are just so many hours left in the day? I feel this way a lot during the lock down (covid-19). Like I’m dreading being awake. Being alive. I want to check out and go to sleep, or fall into the couch and watch…
Who Am I Without Depression?
A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever. Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…
Coming out of depression
Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…
Don’t Listen To Yourself
Yup. The title says it all. Stop listening to yourself! I took a cycling class at PowerCycle today. The woman leading us said “Don’t listen to yourself, talk to yourself. Tell yourself you can do this. You deserve this!” In that moment I had been thinking “I can’t I can’t do this.” If you hear…
Do I need AA?
This is a question that has been swirling through my head for about a year now? Am I an alcoholic? I’m not extreme, like my father who has had a standing battle with addiction for decades. I don’t even drink as often as my mother, who often coins herself as a “functioning alcoholic” usually accompanied…
Disclosing my bipolar disorder at work
I keep going back and forth, I have for weeks now. Do I tell my boss I have bipolar 2 disorder or do I not? Is it important to let her know up until mid school year I was sure that I would not renew my contract at the end of the year? When I’m…
A Reminder Why I Chose to be Sober Curious
Beginning January 1st, 2019 I made the decision to be Sober Curious (a term coined by Ruby Warrington in her book Sober Curious). Essentially I wanted to be 100% sober for the year of 2019. Would it help my anxiety or depression? Would I sleep better? How much money could I save? Would I miss…
Soul Work Place 