I’ve really been thinking a lot about this. Too much maybe. My mind is consumed by the following question: Do I stop taking my meds? But I realized when I get down to it, that’s not really the question I need to focus on. The real question is this: Do I want to try to…
Tag: bipolar2
Why am I sad?
Sometimes, I think I’m just sad. It’s gloomy out today. I don’t know what to write, but my girlfriend encouraged me to do so. So, here I am. Writing generally makes me feel better so I appreciate the suggestion. She asked me, “Is it because of me last night?” Last night she came over. We…
I don’t want to die
It’s funny how when I feel sad the words trail across my mind. “I want to die.” Even though I don’t. But the words pop up again and again. I want to die. No, I want to walk. I want to die. No, I want to clean. I want to die. No, I want to…
I Think I’m OKAY
I’m sad tonight. I think it’s a combination of things. The fact that I’m in the middle of drama with my co-parent (which deeply affects me), the feeling of summer being cancelled, or forgetting my meds today (probably the biggest cause). I just want to sleep, as much as I can possibly sleep. But at…
What must it be like
3/31/20 Anyone else checking the time and feeling bummed out when there are just so many hours left in the day? I feel this way a lot during the lock down (covid-19). Like I’m dreading being awake. Being alive. I want to check out and go to sleep, or fall into the couch and watch…
Impulses
I was talking to my best friend, and she said honestly, life would be so boring if I had control over my impulses and that hit me. Finally, someone who understands why I love my impulsive side, instead of trying to control and mitigate her. My impulsive side: She is my best asset. My greatest friend. Someone…
Who Am I Without Depression?
A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever. Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…
Disclosing my bipolar disorder at work
I keep going back and forth, I have for weeks now. Do I tell my boss I have bipolar 2 disorder or do I not? Is it important to let her know up until mid school year I was sure that I would not renew my contract at the end of the year? When I’m…
My need for speed, racing from depression
*Moved from my old blog* Three days ago I decided it was time to stop yet another prescription drug. A painful rash on my stomach brought me to this decision. My heart shattered, because everything I’ve tried thus far has led to harmful and potentially dangerous side effects. Of course my first thought was “I’m…
Soul Work Place 