I’ve really been thinking a lot about this. Too much maybe. My mind is consumed by the following question: Do I stop taking my meds? But I realized when I get down to it, that’s not really the question I need to focus on. The real question is this: Do I want to try to…
Tag: Bipolar
Why am I sad?
Sometimes, I think I’m just sad. It’s gloomy out today. I don’t know what to write, but my girlfriend encouraged me to do so. So, here I am. Writing generally makes me feel better so I appreciate the suggestion. She asked me, “Is it because of me last night?” Last night she came over. We…
I don’t want to die
It’s funny how when I feel sad the words trail across my mind. “I want to die.” Even though I don’t. But the words pop up again and again. I want to die. No, I want to walk. I want to die. No, I want to clean. I want to die. No, I want to…
I Think I’m OKAY
I’m sad tonight. I think it’s a combination of things. The fact that I’m in the middle of drama with my co-parent (which deeply affects me), the feeling of summer being cancelled, or forgetting my meds today (probably the biggest cause). I just want to sleep, as much as I can possibly sleep. But at…
What must it be like
3/31/20 Anyone else checking the time and feeling bummed out when there are just so many hours left in the day? I feel this way a lot during the lock down (covid-19). Like I’m dreading being awake. Being alive. I want to check out and go to sleep, or fall into the couch and watch…
Impulses
I was talking to my best friend, and she said honestly, life would be so boring if I had control over my impulses and that hit me. Finally, someone who understands why I love my impulsive side, instead of trying to control and mitigate her. My impulsive side: She is my best asset. My greatest friend. Someone…
Who Am I Without Depression?
A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever. Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…
Coming out of depression
Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…
Do I need AA?
This is a question that has been swirling through my head for about a year now? Am I an alcoholic? I’m not extreme, like my father who has had a standing battle with addiction for decades. I don’t even drink as often as my mother, who often coins herself as a “functioning alcoholic” usually accompanied…
Soul Work Place 