Parenting

Being a mom is hard… Every move is difficult. This morning my daughter wrapped her arms around me and held on so tight when I told her I had to leave for work. “Don’t leave me mommy” she said. You could hear in her voice she really meant it. She woke up thinking I’d be…

Meds

It’s wild how I feel the day after I haven’t had my medication. Last night I got sick, shortly after taking them. I don’t think they’re in my system. Which means I feel down. I can’t focus on work. But I can’t focus on anything else either. My chest feels heavy and drinking coffee is…

You Are Gold

You went into a spiral last night, and this morning you are forced to face the residual drips of depression. I don’t always know how to make you feel better, and sometimes depression will win for the hour, or the night, but at the end of it all you come out on top. I am…

Stream of Consciousness

I don’t know what to write or say. Nothing happened, that I know of. Yet somehow my chest is tight and my stomach is in knots. My body feels weak and my head feels like it’s running in slow motion. Moving is hard. Talking is harder. Every minute feels heavy in it’s own way. How…

My brain

My brain can be a messy place. Especially on days like today. There are so many voices. They have different things to say. Different things to teach me. Different perspectives on life and myself. It’s like they are different people, but it’s all me. All the same brain. The same voice. Just different objectives. This…

Rough starts don’t mean rough endings

Last night we talked about our past, our types, the reasons I didn’t fall for you the first time around we dated. It feels like a lifetime ago. When I look back on that time I see a completely different person, in both you and me. I wasn’t ready. You weren’t exactly my normal “type”….

Moving In

Over winter break I went on a trip to Florida with my partner. It was magical, warm, sunny and full of love. On this trip I was on the phone with my sister, and mentioned that I might be moving in with my girlfriend sometime between April and July. “Don’t rush it” she said. My…

Motherhood

Being a mom is hard. It’s the hardest, yet most fulfilling job I’ve ever had. As of late someone in my life has made me question myself as a mom. My ability to love and cherish and care for. But the people in my life fill me with confidence. My sister. My best friend. My…

To my wife

Today I feel overwhelmed to let the woman I love know just how much she means to me. Ashley, you are the love of my life. Your smile lights up my world and your presence brings be peace and joy. I hope you know that I notice every little thing you do for me. Giving…

Do I love you well?

My mental health isn’t great today. It could be because I’m hungover, or maybe because I didn’t take meds last night, or just because I have a tendency to beat myself up. Maybe it’s a combination of all three. Regardless of the why, this is where I’m at today. What prompted this shit show? Sometimes…