What must it be like

3/31/20 Anyone else checking the time and feeling bummed out when there are just so many hours left in the day? I feel this way a lot during the lock down (covid-19). Like I’m dreading being awake. Being alive. I want to check out and go to sleep, or fall into the couch and watch…

She mothers her well

She puts fake earrings gently on my daughters sensitive ears. She brushes her hair the way only a woman knows how to do. She makes her schedules and ensures she eats. She picks her outfits the night before. She plays with her, and loves on her, the way a mother would. My daughter is well…

High Fives

One day she’s going to stop high-fiving me. What will I have missed between then and now? Parenting is hard, really hard. We all struggle with different aspects of parenting. I’m really good at the schedules, the structure, making food and cleaning up, doing chores and talking about feelings. I’m not good at playing, teaching,…

A letter to the man I try to hate

If I look back through my journals I can find several entries that are clearly full of fury. My writing becomes messier and bigger than normal. All writing in moments of rage about how angry you make me. I hate the way you make me anxious. Most days I know I will be stuck in…

The constant realization – I am a parent

Are you ever reminded that you’re a parent Some moments I find my myself thinking “You’re a mom, like a real mom.”  Today my daughter made jokes and played pranks. My daughter got undressed and put on red nightgown Disney princess on the front. Tag in the back. I stop, shocked. When did I stop…