I Think I’m OKAY

I’m sad tonight. I think it’s a combination of things. The fact that I’m in the middle of drama with my co-parent (which deeply affects me), the feeling of summer being cancelled, or forgetting my meds today (probably the biggest cause). I just want to sleep, as much as I can possibly sleep. But at…

What must it be like

3/31/20 Anyone else checking the time and feeling bummed out when there are just so many hours left in the day? I feel this way a lot during the lock down (covid-19). Like I’m dreading being awake. Being alive. I want to check out and go to sleep, or fall into the couch and watch…

Impulses

I was talking to my best friend, and she said honestly, life would be so boring if I had control over my impulses and that hit me. Finally, someone who understands why I love my impulsive side, instead of trying to control and mitigate her. My impulsive side: She is my best asset. My greatest friend. Someone…

Abilify

I’m on new meds. And I “see” my psychiatrist next week, virtually of course. Here’s what I noticed about it, I’m restless. Which is a potential side effect. But also, I’m we’re on a stay at home order and I’m working from home. So, which is it? I looked up the side effects this evening….

Cell Vibrating Gratitude

Today I went to Al-Anon, it was an open gratitude meeting. Round and round people bravely spoke up to share gratitude. At first I actively searched my mind – what am I grateful for??? Sure, I’m grateful for life. I have a pretty good apartment, an amazing child, a job I love. I’m surrounded by…

Who Am I Without Depression?

A few months ago I decided it was time to try medication. After months of fighting to get out of bed and pushing through each day only looking forward to sleep, I thought these very important words: I can’t live like this forever.  Truth is it didn’t even feel like living. It felt like hell,…

How to get back to sleep when anxiety is keeping you up at night.

Have you laid awake in bed for hours wishing you could fall asleep? Your mind just races from one thought to the next taking no breaks in between, often repeating repeating repeating things you’ve already gone over in that brain of yours. Do you ever hear the voice in your head say, “Stop thinking. You can…

Coming out of depression

Winter got me. I stayed in my house and at the same time in my depression. There have been short seasons throughout the months where I felt happy and completely free of the beast that lives in my brain. Recently, I feel free again. A lot has changed lately. I’m single, summer vacation was on…

Do I need AA?

This is a question that has been swirling through my head for about a year now? Am I an alcoholic? I’m not extreme, like my father who has had a standing battle with addiction for decades. I don’t even drink as often as my mother, who often coins herself as a “functioning alcoholic” usually accompanied…