Trust Me

“Trust Me” She says. The words sound so sincere. Her brown eyes look at me, full of something. Love? Hope? Pain? Exhaustion? They all are starting to look the same again. My breath deepens as I let out a sigh, “Okay”  quietly escapes my lips. My eyes close as I burn this memory into my…

A Reminder Why I Chose to be Sober Curious

Beginning January 1st, 2019 I made the decision to be Sober Curious (a term coined by Ruby Warrington in her book Sober Curious). Essentially I wanted to be 100% sober for the year of 2019. Would it help my anxiety or depression? Would I sleep better? How much money could I save? Would I miss…

The constant realization – I am a parent

Are you ever reminded that you’re a parent Some moments I find my myself thinking “You’re a mom, like a real mom.”  Today my daughter made jokes and played pranks. My daughter got undressed and put on red nightgown Disney princess on the front. Tag in the back. I stop, shocked. When did I stop…

4AM

It’s almost 4 AM and I cannot sleep. I feel like I’ve been up the whole night, but I’m really not sure. That has to be impossible right? But I feel like I’ve just been laying here from 10-3. My brain just won’t seem to shut down tonight. However I feel calm – and that’s…

Growth – Love Yourself

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018*   It took me a long time to come to terms with my sexuality, my mental illness, and just my character overall. But this picture represent growth in all the areas describes above. At the women’s march in 2017 I felt empowered. I felt like I understood my…

True to You

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018*   Living life reserved. What does it look like? Well, reservation looks like questioning your heart because you’re afraid of what others might say. It’s not raising your hand in class even though you knew the answer. It’s not answering the phone when a friend or loved one…

#MeToo

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018*   In light of the viral #MeToo movement, Rachel Brathen dedicated her weekly podcast to her own #MeToo stories. #MeToo It baffles me how much I could relate to these stories. Moments when us women are uncomfortable by a man and we freeze. We go through the steps…

What Happened? Depression Happened.

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018* We are happy, enjoying our day. Joking and playing and laughing. I have a heavy conversation with a friend and it weighs on me afterwards. I set it aside, push it down, save those feelings for another day. We go shopping, you make a joke that somehow cuts…

100 Reasons to Live

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018* My most recent spurt of depression I felt a familiar pain, and a familiar voice inside my head that said “I wonder what would happen if I took this whole bottle of pills. If I did it, everyone in my life would be okay. They might be better…

Balancing Extremes

*Moved from my previous blog – 2018* I forgot to take my medication last night. I woke up and thought “it’ll be fine, it’s just one pill.” I spent the morning hanging out with my kid, enjoying coffee, driving to daycare, and day dreaming about marrying my girlfriend. We’ve only been together for a year…