You Are Gold

You went into a spiral last night, and this morning you are forced to face the residual drips of depression. I don’t always know how to make you feel better, and sometimes depression will win for the hour, or the night, but at the end of it all you come out on top.

I am proud to be your partner. In sickness and in health. Which includes our mental health. It includes all the doubts you have about love and worthiness. It includes the triggers from past traumas and mistreatments by the people who were supposed to cherish you. It includes the tears that stream down your face when you don’t want them to. It includes every dark crevice in your mind that tells you lies. The truth is, even though I wish these pieces of you weren’t here to hurt you, I do love them dearly. I will sit with these pieces of you when they decide to make an appearance. I’ll give them love and understanding until they decide it’s time to leave. I will hold them with you until you have run out of tears. They are my friends and my family, because they make you who you are.

An absolutely divine, complex, emotional (in the best way), passionate, deep, understanding human being. Your lows make your highs higher. Your doubts make your love more pure. Your fears make the reality we have together a dream.

I’m sorry I was thrown off last night. It took me a minute to get out of my own head. But I promise that moving forward, when I see your fears again, I will walk into it with open arms and nothing but love to share.

You were worried I wanted to leave you and that you didn’t deserve me. What you didn’t know is that every time I drive to work, or home from work, I think about you. I think about all the ways I want to ask you to marry me, all the details for each idea, and all the things I want to say and promise to you. I think about our wedding and our traveling trips. I think about going to sleep with you every night and waking up with you every morning, in our home that we create together. I think about retiring with you, and spending time with you each and every day (our freaking dream). I think about how I can be a better partner (because baby you deserve the best). I think about how much I appreciate every effort you put forth as a partner as well.

You will never scare me away. I will never doubt whether or not I want to be with you. I will never question our relationship. You will never be unworthy of love, from me or anyone else.

Because baby, you are gold. You are all I see. Forever.

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