Rough starts don’t mean rough endings

Last night we talked about our past, our types, the reasons I didn’t fall for you the first time around we dated. It feels like a lifetime ago. When I look back on that time I see a completely different person, in both you and me.

I wasn’t ready. You weren’t exactly my normal “type”. I was jaded and afraid. And most importantly I was still figuring out who I was without a partner. This took me down some uncomfortable roads and led me to making many mistakes. I feel bad about the way I treated you and the way I left. There are no excuses and you didn’t deserve any of it.

I am thankful that you saw something else in me, and stuck around to figure out what that was. I am thankful to myself for following my gut, which always told me to stick around and see what happened with you.

It did take some time. Some relationships. Some mistakes. But slowly and surely spending my time with you took me down roads where I was met with myself. Where I had to unweave all the confused feelings. I had and sit down to think about what I actually want and who I actually wanted. It’s always been you. It always will be you.

I feel embarrassed and ashamed for not seeing it sooner, and for my actions. Even though I wouldn’t change it, because it took being your friend to realize how good of a partner I’d have to be to deserve you. It took falling in love with you in order for me to be ready for a relationship that was unlike everything I’ve experienced. It took a few months to stop thinking that I would ruin everything with one wrong decision or one distant experience.

Thank you my love, for teaching me how to be a better lover, partner, and overall person. Thank you for waiting for me. Thank you for giving us a second chance. Thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for being my best friend. And thank you for showing me kindness. I want you and I want us for the rest of my life. We had a rough start, but we’ve created a beautiful story that never has to end.

I love you, always.

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