My dad called me tonight. And for the first time in a long time, I answered. He was drunk, which is to be expected. But still…it stung. We talked about mundane things. How are you? How’s work? Etc. Then he said, “I’m sorry about your grandpa, grandpa John.” My moms dad, grandpa John, passed away a few weeks ago. He removed himself from our lives for whatever reason. He died alone in a hospital room.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I barely knew the guy anyway.”

My dad responds with a promise and plea that I’ve heard before.

“Just so you know I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to be that for you or your sister or even Olivia. That guy that no one knows. I’m going to get my life together, and not be that guy.”

Like I said, I’ve heard this before. I usually respond with an “okay I’m happy to hear that.” Today was a similar response, althought I don’t remember it exactly. Because each time this promise is made I have to talk to myself instead.

Don’t get too wrapped up in this. Don’t believe it. Don’t trust it. That’ll make it easier when he doesn’t follow through. When he drops off the face of the Earth and leaves you behind, you’ll be able to say “I saw it coming – so I’m OKAY.”

We hung up. I’ll go about my life. And we’ll see what kind of guy he is.

And at the end of it all, I’ll be okay.