I’m on new meds. And I “see” my psychiatrist next week, virtually of course. Here’s what I noticed about it, I’m restless. Which is a potential side effect. But also, I’m we’re on a stay at home order and I’m working from home. So, which is it? I looked up the side effects this evening.

• Nausea and vomiting (hmm, maybe that’s why I’ve thrown up 4 time over the last month. Maybe why that’s also why I’m losing weight).
• Feeling tired (maybe that explains all the naps).
• Sleep problems (well, that’s always a given).
• Appetite changes (again, maybe this explains the weight loss).

It’s funny how little I pay attention to myself sometimes, until I sit down and really focus. What’s more interesting is that even with these side effects, I don’t want to stop taking my meds.

I’ve been re-reading journals and entries, one thing is clear. When I stop taking my meds, I stop being okay. Which is a huge win for me. Three years ago these side effects would have sent me spiraling. Thinking Nothing will ever work! I’m going to be fucked up forever. Fuck the meds, I’ll do it on my own. But today I feel differently. I’ll keep trying with the meds, until I find the right concoction that keeps me sane. I’m a medicated gal, in a medicated gang, and that shit makes me happy.