Earlier this month I wrote about my new girlfriend. About the way she kisses me in the morning and doesn’t care if we’ve brushed our teeth. And how she doesn’t put me down for the things I’m in to. How she buys me plants and constantly compliments me. I haven’t officially dated anyone since my ex, purposely. I was never ready. I was ALWAYS scared. But with her I let my walls down and started to let her in.
And now, suddenly, she is so distant. Where did you go and why can’t I reach you? It’s been a week of this drastic and sudden shift. It’s your “work” you say. You’re shut down because you’re busy. And maybe that’s true, but my life also got turned upside down during this pandemic, and I could use my girlfriend right about now. But I feel like I can’t ask for that.
A whole week lacking of good morning and good night texts. No more screen shots of the alarm I set on your phone that says “remind Kaitlynn you like her.” No more real conversation at all actually. Every exchange is surfaced and feels forced. Any exchange is prompted by me. Every other text I send is ignored.
This feels like more than just work. I don’t do well with what feels like rejection. I’m in my head and I can’t even talk to you about it, because I’m tip toeing around you right now until your job dies down and you can breathe. But how long is that going to take? When are you going to be upfront about what’s going on? Is this going to even work? And what the fuck am I doing?
My feelings this week has gone the following way – At first I was confused. Then I found it comical. Followed by anger and bitterness. But now I just miss my girlfriend. I don’t like this, at all.