Dinner is set, lighting is bright, my baby is across from me.

As I stuff my face with cheap processed food I realize, once again I will finish light years ahead.

“Hurry up Olivia. Focus on your dinner. You need to eat faster.”

I hear the words in my head, knowing they come out each meal. But why? Why am I telling her she needs to eat faster? Maybe I need to eat slower. And so I do.

Tonight I cut my food into smaller bites and take breaths between each one. This food doesn’t bless my body or make me feel good. Chicken nuggets, boxed mac and cheese, chased with a PBR.

How long have I been eating this way? Totally numb to the food I am putting into my body. In fact I’m numb to everything lately. I drink or smoke it away. I get sucked into social media and Netflix. I hide from and numb from myself over and over again.

What am I so afraid of?

These are the thoughts that roll through my head as I start to slow down with my meal. I think I need to slow down a little more frequently. Practice mindfulness with more intention. And breathe deeply.