*Moved from my previous blog – 2018*
Living life reserved. What does it look like?
Well, reservation looks like questioning your heart because you’re afraid of what others might say.
It’s not raising your hand in class even though you knew the answer.
It’s not answering the phone when a friend or loved one calls.
It’s not making that bold move because you’re too damn scared to take a step.
It’s not writing on your blog because what if someone you know sees it.
It’s not telling your doctor that you’re concerned because what if you’re wrong.
It’s not making connections with people around you, because it’s too real to be vulnerable.
It’s avoiding honesty for the sake of consistency.
It’s not exploring yourself, your community, your relationships, your heart, or your world – because territory without a map is just too uncomfortable.
It’s not voicing your opinion in a crowd.
It’s not taking a leap at work.
It is holding back feelings.
It is staying on a one track life.
It is saying no to an opportunity.
It is doubting yourself.
It is settling in your own personal normal and comfort.
It is ignoring your sexuality, religion, or culture to conform to what’s dominant.
It is maintaining one perspective and viewpoint.
It is withholding information, thoughts, and ideas from others.
It is a restriction of experiences.
It is skepticism.
It can be slowly accepting that you’re going to take make a change.
It can be taking small steps forward with hesitency.
It can be a cautious risk or chance.
It can be cautious awareness.
It can be gradual growth.
It can control you.
I’ve mostly lived a life with reservation. Refusing to explore my soul, mind, and true person. Unable to accept my feelings as valid or my thoughts as real. Pretending to be whatever I need to be to “fit in.” Moving through the notions of life because that’s just what you’re supposed to do.
I want to live a life without reservation. One that allows open exploration of self and others. Seek out perspectives and experiences. Enjoy the comfort of those around me. Cut out toxicity when necessary and make deeper connections with positive people in life. Learn new skills. Develop new habits. Take new risks. Most of all – live according to your truth. A truth that only you hold and no one else can truly share. You have been in this world, with this body, in this era, only this one time. Make every second count for you.