I’ve dreamt about you most nights lately. I wake up with a feeling in my chest. It hurts, but it’s happy too. I get to see your family in my dreams. Never you, but I know they are the closest things I have now. And they talk about you in my dreams. They hug me…

The days I feel like this, my brain moves a little slower. My body too. My face clearly shows distress but I don’t have the energy to curve the sides of my lips into a smile. I don’t exactly feel dead, but I don’t feel alive either. I am walking and talking, but I’m not…

I’ve seen what extreme depression and anxiety does to middle and high school students. I know what it did to me as well. But I don’t know how to handle the mentally distraught thoughts and feelings in the body of my eight year old daughter. I am worried she will have episodes of anxiety. Episodes of depression….

You would have reached out to me yesterday, to see if I was okay. You’d ask me all about what happened in Waukesha even though I don’t live there. We would have talked about our girls and how big your boy has gotten. We’d say “I miss you!” and plan a vacation in the future…

I’ve always identified as a big sister. But rarely, I identified as a little sister. How silly, because I’ve always been a little sister. I just forgot that you were there. I forgot I had someone to look out for me the way I’ve looked out for everyone else. I missed out on so many…

Being a mom is hard… Every move is difficult. This morning my daughter wrapped her arms around me and held on so tight when I told her I had to leave for work. “Don’t leave me mommy” she said. You could hear in her voice she really meant it. She woke up thinking I’d be…

It’s wild how I feel the day after I haven’t had my medication. Last night I got sick, shortly after taking them. I don’t think they’re in my system. Which means I feel down. I can’t focus on work. But I can’t focus on anything else either. My chest feels heavy and drinking coffee is…

You went into a spiral last night, and this morning you are forced to face the residual drips of depression. I don’t always know how to make you feel better, and sometimes depression will win for the hour, or the night, but at the end of it all you come out on top. I am…

I don’t know what to write or say. Nothing happened, that I know of. Yet somehow my chest is tight and my stomach is in knots. My body feels weak and my head feels like it’s running in slow motion. Moving is hard. Talking is harder. Every minute feels heavy in it’s own way. How…

My brain can be a messy place. Especially on days like today. There are so many voices. They have different things to say. Different things to teach me. Different perspectives on life and myself. It’s like they are different people, but it’s all me. All the same brain. The same voice. Just different objectives. This…