They’ll say we’re crazy, we’ll say we’re alive.

The other night I was stuck in my head. A usual incident after talking to my father, who I think may be in the midst of a manic episode. I was with my partner in our puzzle lounge, a grungy and beautiful room upstairs that was made for “us”, and it was pouring outside. “Will…

I can’t sleep, but I’m okay.

I can’t sleep tonight, which is fine. I’m honestly used to it. But there’s something different about tonight. I’m not depressed, I’m not anxious, I’m just awake. I’ve done a lot of healing the last couple of years with the help of an amazing therapist. I am so thankful for the growth that has occurred….

I don’t want to die

It’s funny how when I feel sad the words trail across my mind. “I want to die.” Even though I don’t. But the words pop up again and again. I want to die. No, I want to walk. I want to die. No, I want to clean. I want to die. No, I want to…

The things I tell myself as a parent

I’m a terrible mother. And I’m failing at it. It’s too hard and maybe I wasn’t cut out for this lifetime role. I sleep in too long. She watches too much TV, and even worse non-educational TV. She loves her screens, that’s bad. She’s an only child and I refuse to play with her in…

My person

What’s a soulmate? Someone who loves you unconditionally. Your best friend. Your number one supporter. Someone you can be comfortable around without a second thought. I’ve gone back and forth about soulmates. They’re real. They’re not. Back and forth back and forth. But now I know, they’re real. My best friend is my girlfriend. I’ve…

Grieving what I never had

I found my person, like my legit person. I’ve never been so sure of it. But that means I have to say goodbye to something else I’ve been holding on to, sometimes without even realizing it. My ex and I had a situation, and we’re not talking anymore because of it. She knows I’m with…

I might love you

1/15/2020 I’m writing this because I certainly am not posting this tonight. Hell, maybe ever. You read my blog. Therefore, I cannot post this. But I have to get out out of my body, so tonight I’ll write for me. I think I love you. More than the way we say “I love you” as…

Porch

I’m sitting on your porch Thinking of you Dreaming of you Like I always have been. Music fuels my love for you So I listen to my playlist Again, and again, and one more time. I love you more than I have words to describe. You are, and have been, my favorite person For what…

Manifest Love

I listened to a three part podcast about manifesting love not too long ago. Speak, believe, recieve. That was the main takeaway. Speak what you want into the universe. I want you. I know I shouldn’t because it could ruin everything. But, I think this is what I want. This type of love. Believe you…

Loving life

“I don’t deserve you. I’ll never hurt you. If I ever lost you, I’d die.” Lyrics to a song that made me think of my best friend back in January 2020. My best friend, who I’ve felt so strongly for the last few months. But I buried it so deep that even at times I…